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Medicinal Intervention 1On my way to school this morning, I was late. Mom leaves for work before I wake up and I forgot to turn on my alarm clock. I felt like I forgot something important. When I bent over to tie my shoe outside, I noticed something moving in the corner of my eye. It was a tiny little red speck. Then, as it got closer I realized something. It was a garden gnome.
Now I'm not the most intelligent of people in the world. I got held back in Kindergarten for "behavioral issues," but I know for a fact, that garden gnomes do not move. They also do not try to hide behind bushes in a feeble attempt at camouflage. In all my twelve years of life I have never wanted to suddenly take a shit out of pure fear.
I decide to keep on walking.
No such thing as living garden ornaments. As I keep on walking to school I notice that the gnome has begun to follow me. I can hear the clink of his little shoes. He suddenly stops when I stop, and sometimes makes very bad attempts at hiding. I begin
Toothpaste Part 1Bertha and I have been stuck together for the past forty years. Now, by stuck together I mean, I knocked her up when I was 18 and she was 16. Bertha doesn't believe in marriage. " I don't need the state of New York to tell me I can legally piss you off. I can do that just fine without a certificate." But I, Michael Jefferson being the God fearing man that I am, married her.
Now I remember why I am an atheist.
Marriage has times of give and take. When I wanted to buy a new car, I kept the money for the kids' college. When she wanted new shoes I bought new shoes for her. If Billy got caught getting slinky with the neighbors' whore of a daughter, I blackmailed the neighbor. Looking back on my forty years with Bertha, I realized that it was a take and take with her.
I couldn't take it anymore. Some people are annoying but Bertha is what my grand-kids call a grade A biyatch. That woman never learned how to let loose.
One morning, on a Sunday I woke up early for work. I
Twenty-three years before the crippling of Crown Prince James III
He was fourteen and she was probably aged about the same, give or take a few years. It had been an hour since he'd met her.
He hated her already.
She scowled behind him and likely shared the sentiment as they scampered up the hillside in a desperate attempt to escape the roaring mob that seemed to be growing perpetually larger and coming ever-closer. Gabriel would have liked to say that it was all her fault he was in this situation, though it was his careless nicking ofwhat was it? A chicken that started the first old woman running, but how was he supposed to know that she'd stumble and fall and everyone else would think he'd assaulted her?
He hadn't. He'd taken the chicken, snapped its neck and run, because he hadn't eaten meat in weeks and he was starting to feel the affects on his already weak limbs.
This is what happens, he thought. This is what happens when you live like th
Little Miss It“Do you enjoy her company?”
That, Avadaci concluded, had been the extent of his grandfather’s kindness. Thank the stars he had broken his neck after a failed attempt to ascend the castle staircase. Not that many were privy to this information. The official listing on the cause of death involved something along the lines of falling in battle after slaying at least a dozen demons, although this was treated with quite a bit of skepticism by the general populace. Yet, interestingly enough, a decent portion of the locals believed a tale about the cannibals of Unkhtom devouring him whole.
Not that Avadaci really cared how his grandfather had died. He was just glad he was dead. And if he was glad his grandfather had died, Avadaci wondered, why did he have to attend his funeral? In fact, the whole kingdom was glad his grandfather had died. Why did they have to attend the funeral?
“Oh Avad,” proclaimed his mother, “obv
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More