|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Medicinal Intervention 1On my way to school this morning, I was late. Mom leaves for work before I wake up and I forgot to turn on my alarm clock. I felt like I forgot something important. When I bent over to tie my shoe outside, I noticed something moving in the corner of my eye. It was a tiny little red speck. Then, as it got closer I realized something. It was a garden gnome.
Now I'm not the most intelligent of people in the world. I got held back in Kindergarten for "behavioral issues," but I know for a fact, that garden gnomes do not move. They also do not try to hide behind bushes in a feeble attempt at camouflage. In all my twelve years of life I have never wanted to suddenly take a shit out of pure fear.
I decide to keep on walking.
No such thing as living garden ornaments. As I keep on walking to school I notice that the gnome has begun to follow me. I can hear the clink of his little shoes. He suddenly stops when I stop, and sometimes makes very bad attempts at hiding. I begin
Toothpaste Part 1Bertha and I have been stuck together for the past forty years. Now, by stuck together I mean, I knocked her up when I was 18 and she was 16. Bertha doesn't believe in marriage. " I don't need the state of New York to tell me I can legally piss you off. I can do that just fine without a certificate." But I, Michael Jefferson being the God fearing man that I am, married her.
Now I remember why I am an atheist.
Marriage has times of give and take. When I wanted to buy a new car, I kept the money for the kids' college. When she wanted new shoes I bought new shoes for her. If Billy got caught getting slinky with the neighbors' whore of a daughter, I blackmailed the neighbor. Looking back on my forty years with Bertha, I realized that it was a take and take with her.
I couldn't take it anymore. Some people are annoying but Bertha is what my grand-kids call a grade A biyatch. That woman never learned how to let loose.
One morning, on a Sunday I woke up early for work. I
Oprah is cancelledMy brother and I are polar opposites even though we are identical twins. People describe me as 'unemotional', 'heartless', 'that weird guy'. I prefer introverted. Others would say my brother is 'shy', 'extremely caring', or 'a total priss' I agree with the last statement. Mr Winston is a great example.
A year ago, our first year in college, we were renting our rooms from a nice elderly couple. We returned from spring break to find Mr. Winston dead, with our cat eating his face off. Charles burst into tears. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh God, why, wy did this happen!?!" Nonchalantly, I stare at the mangled creature. "Well this was going to happen sooner or later," I told Charles. " I hated that fat old fucker anyway." Suddenly his sobbing stopped. "How...", Charles sniffled, "how could you be such a horrible bleep. I know you have problems being expressive James, but this is going too far!" Ugh. Even now he refuses to swear. The worst I've ever heard him say is 'duh'. "I don't care wha
Remember the party last night?I awoke in a strange room. It took me a few seconds to realize I was in a hotel room. Groggily I went to the bathroom. I peered through my slit eyes. My dark skin looked paler than usual. I could barely remember last night. I struggle to remember. I was at a rave last night. I was with her- no him, all of last night. Three people already had been with him before. Wet and used I put it on. I had no idea where it came from, but the important think was that it worked. I try to blow some life into him; he is limp, like a rag. Soon he comes too;
"Damn man, what happened", asked the stranger. "I think you stopped breathing. Your friends told me you had been smoking pot and drinking a lot tonight. You're lucky I'm a med student." I take off the pocket mask. His friends and I had taken turns trying to bring him back. He looks lost and dazed, even higher than before. "Well uh, thanks I guess." He walks away like nothing happened.
Staring bleakly into the mirror, I know that in my future years a
Coming OutHer laugh broke the silence. "You're joking, right?" "No, I'm totally serious here" I said. "Is it really that hard to believe?" Martha stared at me for a while. "Dan put you up to this didn't he?" "I know how him and George always bul-
"It's not them. I just woke up this morning and decided to tell you." I interrupted her. Martha hates being interrupted. And being told she's wrong.
"I know you can be a feminine sort of boy Charlie, but I know you're better than this. I know this is some kind of phase, and that it will pass. You'll get older and you'll wonder why you did all this and laugh at yourself"
"Mom," I said. She knows I'm serious when I call her mom. I've always called her Martha, even as a small child. "I want to express myself and I feel telling you, is the first step to everything. Besides, you would learn about it sooner or later."
"I know the first step to everything is getting you some help. First it's this and then before you know it you're taking drugs and sleeping wit
Keep in Touch!
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More